


Broken Without You, Broken Because of You

by TheNightSkyObserver



Category: Hermitcraft RPF, Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up and Getting Back Together, DO NOT SHIP REAL PEOPLE, Fluff, Has been edited and revised, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major Character Injury, Permanent Death AU, Platonic Relationships, Self-Worth Issues, Xisuma is the real mvp here, communication is important kiddos, minecraft personas ONLY
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:47:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22654234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNightSkyObserver/pseuds/TheNightSkyObserver
Summary: When Grian experiences a near-death injury, he isn't expecting his heart to be the thing that breaks the most***REVISED AND EDITED****Minecraft Personas ONLY - Do NOT ship real people*
Relationships: Grian/Docm77, Mumbo Jumbo/Iskall85, Platonic Architechs
Comments: 26
Kudos: 185





	Broken Without You, Broken Because of You

**Author's Note:**

> Oh did you notice the Permanent Death AU tag? That's not my fault, don't blame me.  
> Obviously I don't own the characters  
> Hope you enjoy!

Grian accepts Doc’s latest creation, a mechanicalized elytra, with a massive grin.

“Now Grian, be careful! I’m not sure if the rocket dispenser will work perfectly yet. Be prepared to use them yourself if need be,” Doc explains as he tenderly tightens the straps on Grian’s chest.

“Yes, yes I know! I’ll be careful, I promise! Now come on, I wanna try it!” Grian can’t but bounce up and down on his toes. Doc just shakes his head fondly, and Grian leans up and catches Doc’s lips in a surprisingly deep kiss. Grian pulls away, smirking at the dazed expression left of Doc’s face.

“Keep up if you can Doc!” Grian laughs as he sprints towards the cliff’s edge. Just before he runs out of ground, he confidently jumps into the air, immediately feeling the elytra open up and catch the wind.

Grian lets out a cheer, and presses the rocket button. His laughter only gets louder as he shoots forward into the sky.

“Woohoo!! This is great!! Yayy!! Wooo!!!” Grian can’t contain his joy, especially not when he tilts to the side, and can just make out the adoration filled look Doc is sending him. Grian goes to hit the button to dispense another rocket, but he freezes at the mechanical hiss that he can just barely make out over the sound of the wind rushing around him. He fumbles for his own storage of rockets, but that’s when he feels the wings start to shake.

Grian sucks in a breath as he realizes the gravity of his situation. He was hurtling back towards the cliff he had jumped from, the elytra on his back malfunctioning, and there wasn’t a single thing he can do about it.

“Doc! Doc look out! I can’t stop!!” Grian screams out. Doc’s eyes go wide, and Grian can see him open his mouth, but that’s when the chilling sound of ripping metal hits Grian’s ears.

“Doc—!” Grian can’t get another word out as he drops like a stone from the air, the ground rushing up to meet him. One last thought crosses Grian’s mind.

_“I’m so sorry Doc. I love you.”_

Grian hits the ground, and the world disappears.

* * *

Death is much more painful than Grian was expecting. He can just barely make out the sounds of arguing, and his entire body aches like nothing he’d ever experienced before. He has no idea how long he sits, the world fading in and out of focus. Finally, he shifts slightly, and can’t bite back the whimper of pain that escapes him.

“Grian? Grian! Oh my word!” A voice that sounds an odd mix of terrified and relieved meets his ears, though he can’t quite place who’d voice it is. He manages to crack his eyes open enough to see Mumbo leaning over him.

“Mu—Mumbo? Where—?” Grian winces at the pain in his chest as he tries to speak.

“Shhh Grian, don’t try ‘n talk. You… you barely made it out of this one, mate. You’ve been out cold for almost four days. Doc thought for sure that you were already dead when he grabbed you and brought you here,” Mumbo pauses, “We’re at X’s place, by the way. X was the only one that was going to be able to help you. It… it was touch and go for a while there. It was quite scary.”

Grian is able to finally blink away the fog in his eyes, and he sucks in a gasp at the sight of his entire body being wrapped in gauze. He shoots Mumbo a pleading look. Mumbo averts his eyes and sighs, before looking back up at the builder.

“Doc said… Well. Doc said that you were testing one of his new elytras, and… and it… broke. Something in the wing, he said. He was here for the first two days, but X sent him home to sleep. He hasn’t been back since. No one’s seen him anywhere,” Mumbo stands, “I’ll send word that you’re awake though, I’m sure he’ll come back.” Grian can only give a weak nod as Mumbo walks over to the doorway and disappears through it, shouting Xisuma’s name.

***

It’s been a week, and Xisuma is finally giving Grian the clear to leave, and go home to his own base. Mumbo is here to make sure he gets back safe since… since…

“You shouldn’t have anything more than a few aches here and there, Grian. If anything starts getting worse, I want you to come _right back_ , understand?” Xisuma places a firm hand on Grian’s shoulder. “And don’t worry about Doc. I’m sure he’ll come around. I think he’s just spooked still.” Grian gives a nod.

“Yeah, you’re probably right. And thank you, X. Really.” Xisuma pats his shoulder twice, shoots him a smile, and walks back into his base.

“You ready Grian?” Mumbo asks, a worried look on his face.

“Yeah… yeah I’m ready. Let’s get going.” Grian can hear just how tired and sad he sounds, but he just can’t muster up the energy to care. He jolts somewhat at the feel of Mumbo grabbing his hand and squeezing. The redstoner gives him a sad smile, and pulls him along to the portal.

***

Mumbo leaves Grian alone after making sure about twelve different times that he’d be alright.

“Yes, I’ll be fine Mumbo, I have the potions from X, I have plenty of gauze, and you’re barely a moment away. Now go on, I’m fine,” Grian makes a shooing motion with his hands, and the redstoner finally raises his arms in defeat.

“Alright, alright, I’m going. But I mean it Grian, tell me if you need anything. I can’t go through that again. I thought I lost you,” Mumbo’s face is open and honest, and Grian can’t help but smile back at his best friend.

“I know. And thank you for staying with me. But go on! I’m sure Iskall is missing you something fierce,” Grian winks at the man, who breaks out into a blush. Stammering a reply, Mumbo waves and takes off towards his own base.

Waving back, Grian lets out a shuddering sigh, feeling the emptiness of his base press down around him. He wants to cry, but he just can’t.

_‘Why hasn’t Doc come to see me? Why—?’_ Grian’s thoughts are suddenly cut off by the beeping of his communicator. He jolts, and fumbles to pull it from his pocket.

<Docm77> Grian. Meet me on Turtle Beach. We need to talk.

Grian feels a chill run down his spine as he reads the ominous words. He shakily sends a response.

<Grian> Doc? Is everything okay? I’m on my way.

Just as he sits down in his boat to leave, he hears another beep.

<Docm77> It’s fine. Please hurry.

Grian can’t help the dread that settles in his stomach, but he pushes off regardless, navigating quickly to the beach. He tries to push all the swirling thoughts to the back of his mind, as he rows, but he’s unsuccessful in stopping the anxiety coursing through his veins.

The beach rapidly comes into view, and he spots Doc standing near the water, his back to Grian. He bumps into the shore, and shakily stands up, walking cautiously towards his boyfriend.

“…Doc?” his voice is much weaker than he’d like, but it does the trick. Doc jolts out of whatever trance he was in, and turns to face Grian, his eyes firmly on his feet.

“Grian… I’m sorry… but we’re done. I can’t do this anymore.” Doc’s voice is hard. Grian feels like a sword is running through his heart.

“What… what do you mean? Doc? What—,” Grian’s voice is thick and trembling; he feels like he’s frozen to the ground, his chest ice cold. “Doc, look at me!”

Doc jerks his head up, and Grian stumbles backwards at the force of the hybrid’s glare.

“I said we’re done. It’s over.” Doc’s voice drips with anger, and Grian feels his heart shatter.

“You said—,” Grian chokes back a sob. “You said that you cared. _You said you loved me!_ ”

Doc’s eyes are dull and lifeless as he responds.

“I lied.”

Grian can feel the tears finally streaming down his face as he watches Doc turn and walk away.

“Doc please! Doc!”

He doesn’t turn around, and Grian is left standing in the cold ocean spray. Alone.

* * *

It’s been three days, and Grian hasn’t heard or seen from Doc since he left him standing on that beach alone. Grian hasn’t slept, hasn’t ate. He just feels empty and broken. He just lays, curled into a ball, on his bed, wishing that when he wakes up, it’ll all have just been a dream.

It never is.

Grian can feel his awareness fading in and out, the pain in his stomach long since ignored.

_‘What’s the point? Doc doesn’t care. He doesn’t love me. Did he ever really love me, or—? Am I not worth loving? I must not be. I just—I just want this to end.”_

Darkness begins to creep in along the edges of his vision, and the roar of his blood in his head grows louder. Grian hears what sounds like an elytra, but before he can really tell, his world goes black.

* * *

Grian wakes up suddenly. He wrenches himself into a sitting position, clutching at his chest. It takes him a moment to realize where he is.

_‘Mumbo’s base…?’_

Grian turns at the sound of footsteps. Mumbo is walking towards him, and Grian can’t help but marvel at the complete and utter look of love and care on the man’s face.

“Mumbo? What— what happened?” Grian asks, hearing for the first time how ragged and broken he really sounds.

“No one had heard from you in days, so I came to check on you, and I found you unconscious on your bed. You were pale as a sheet, and light enough for me to carry, Grian. So I’m going to ask you, _what happened?_ ” Mumbo’s face stays soft and caring, but his eyes take on a dark glint, almost as if he knows he won’t like what Grian is about to say.

Grian clenches his hands into fists.

“I—,” Grian gulps. “It was Doc—.” Mumbo shoots to his feet like lightning.

“ _What do you **mean** it was Doc? **What did he do Grian?**_ ” Grian flinches back from the absolute rage that drips from Mumbo’s voice.

“He— he just, he told me that, that he didn’t care about me. That— that, he never really did. It, it was all just a— just a _lie_.” Grian can’t stop the shake of his voice, but he’s surprised that no tears fall from his eyes. Mumbo’s face softens ever so slightly, but his eyes are dark and angry as he responds.

“Did he give you a _reason_?” Mumbo sinks back down, sitting on the edge of the bed Grian is occupying.

“No! He just said that he,” Grian makes air quotes. “Can’t do this anymore.” Grian drops his hands, and turns his head back to look at Mumbo. Mumbo just leans over and envelops Grian into a hug, seemingly trying to squeeze all the hurt out of the builder.

Grian collapses into the embrace, his body shaking with dry sobs.

“I just don’t understand, Mumbo, what did I do? What did I do _wrong_?” Mumbo just tightens his grip, and Grian feels another set of arms wrap around him.

“Grian you did nothing wrong. Do not think like that,” Iskall’s voice soothes a few of Grian’s frayed nerves, and he lets the love from his best friends soak into his fragile heart. Grian can feel the pull of sleep tugging on him, and he finally relaxes fully into his fellow Architechs’ arms, knowing they’ll still be there when he wakes.

***

Grian spends the next few days with Mumbo and Iskall at Mumbo’s base, begrudgingly allowing the two to care for him, and trying not to let the sting of watching how much they love each other get to him. Grian lets out a sigh as he watches their easy dance as they both jump around Mumbo’s kitchen area as they prepare dinner for the three of them.

“Grian! Stew’s done! Come eat!” Mumbo shouts happily over to him. Letting a smile slip back onto his face, Grian stands and makes his way over to the makeshift table. He graciously accepts the bowl of beetroot stew from Iskall’s hands, but before any of them can eat, the sound of an elytra hits their ears.

Grian feels the color drain from his face at the sight of his boy— his _ex-_ boyfriend, gliding down into Mumbo’s base. Grian stumbles backwards, only to be caught by Iskall’s firm grasp. Mumbo steps in front of them, his stance strong and defiant, as they all watch Doc come to an uneasy stop in front of them. Doc has barely opened his mouth before Mumbo cuts him off.

“Just **what** do you think you’re doing here?” Mumbo’s voice his hard, and drips with venom that Grian has never once heard since meeting the redstoner.

“I… I need to talk to Grian. Please.” Doc’s voice is small and he sounds on the verge of crying. Iskall squeezes Grian’s arm before letting go and stepping forward.

“I think you have said _enough_ to Grian already, yes?” Iskall’s voice is laced with the same rage as Mumbo’s and Grian feels his heart swell with love for his best friends.

“I just… please. I— I just need to talk to him,” Doc leans around and Grian can’t help but wince at the truly heartbroken look on Doc’s face. “ _Grian please_.”

Grian takes a step forward and places a hand on both of his friends’ shoulders.

“Thank you. But I can handle this. Go on. This needs to be private.” Grian gives them both what he hopes is a reassuring smile. The two men both search his face for a moment, before nodding, shooting Doc a glare, and walking downstairs.

Grian lets his eyes fall back onto the hybrid.

“What do you want Doc? I thought you made it pretty clear that you’re done with me.” Grian is almost surprised at how dry and detached his own voice sounds, and Doc is clearly taken aback as well. Doc takes a step towards him before changing his mind and coming to a stuttered stop.

“I… I was wrong Grian. I’m so—sorry,” Doc’s organic eye is full of tears and his voice is more broken than Grian has ever heard it.

“And that’s it? You just expect me to forgive you? You broke my heart Doc. Not only did you leave me to heal on my own, _after it was **your** creation that nearly killed me_, but you also dumped me without a valid reason. So what do you _really_ want Doc?” Grian can’t help how angry and cold his voice is. He’s had a long time to think about all the pain that Doc had put him through, and sue him, but he’s furious.

Grian jolts at the sob that rips from Doc’s throat.

“I know, I’m—I’m so sorry Grian. I just—after you fell, all I could see was your mangled body and— and the only thing I could think about was that it was _my fault_ , and I just—I wasn’t thinking straight, and I—,” Doc’s voice broke off into another sob, and Grian watches as he falls to his knees. Grian sighs, and walks over to the hybrid, crouching down to take hold of his face.

“Did you mean what you said on that beach Doc?” Grian allows the barest hint of forgiveness into his voice, and Doc’s head shoots up, his eyes wild and scared.

“ _God no. Not a word_.”

That is all Grian needs to hear before surging forward, pulling Doc to his feet and crashing their lips together.

Grian wipes at the tears streaming down Doc’s face their mouths move against each other’s, and Grian can _feel_ all the sorrow and love that Doc is trying to convey through their kiss. Doc’s hands seem to tighten even more into the fabric of his sweater, before he sinks back to his knees. Grian lets out a startled sound, but follows Doc’s lips down. Doc pulls away, and buries his head into Grian’s stomach, his sobs shaking Grian to his core. It takes a moment for Grian to realize that Doc is speaking through his sobs.

_“I’m so sorry Grian, I never wanted to hurt you. I thought it would be for best, I love you, I just wanted to keep you safe, I’m so sorry. God I’m so, so sorry, I love you so much, please Grian, forgive me, I love you, I’m so sorry.”_

Grian just buries his hand in Doc’s hair and tries to sooth the man’s tears.

“Shhhh Doc, it’s okay. You’re okay, I’m here. I love you, we’ll be okay. I love you, it’s alright.”

Grian continues to pet the man’s hair, whispering quiet nothings, as the man sob’s slowly die off. Mumbo and Iskall return, and they all manage to get into beds, Mumbo and Iskall in one, and Grian and Doc in another, Grian still comforting his broken hybrid.

***

The next morning, Grian wakes up, confused at the weight on his chest. He looks down, and the memories of the previous night hits him like a chest of bricks.

Doc is still asleep, a dried tear streak below his organic eye. Grian sighs and runs his hands through the hybrid’s hair. Grian looks off to the side, and sees that Mumbo and Iskall are also still asleep, curled around each other.

Looking back down, Grian feels the stinging of tears in his eyes. He had kissed Doc, he _wants_ to forgive him, he really does… but…

Grian’s thoughts are cut off by Doc shifting, and opening his eyes. The man lets out a gasp, and jerks himself into a sitting position, and Grian can see just how scared he is.

Grian gives him a tiny smile, and reaches out to take hold of his organic hand.

“Relax Doc, you’re fine. But we do need to talk. _Actually_ talk, calmly.” Grian murmurs. Doc gulps, and nods.

The two quietly make their way out to Mumbo’s artificial beach, not wanting to disturb the two sleeping redstoners. Grian does however, leave them a note, so they don’t worry when they wake up.

Once the two are sitting down, Grian takes a deep breath, and lets it out slowly.

“Why’d you do it?” Grian doesn’t want to look at the hybrid right now, but he does anyway, and watches Doc curl farther into himself. His voice is low and ragged as he answers.

“I… I thought I was protecting you. I thought… I thought if I pushed you away then you wouldn’t get hurt like that again. It was… stupid. I know.” Grian lets out a disbelieving scoff.

“Yeah, it was stupid alright. Did you actually think I _blamed_ you? I just wanted you to be there with me. I wasn’t even upset that it was your elytra’s fault that I was hurt until you just, disappeared without a trace. What you did was pretty cruel, Doc, I can’t lie.” Grian can’t keep the sadness out of his voice, and he knows Doc hears it when the hybrid lets out a shuddering sigh.

“I know. I was just so scared, and I wasn’t thinking straight. I… I really am sorry, Grian. Those first few days I couldn’t leave your side. You looked so—so _small_ and broken, and… and after the initial, ya’know, shock wore off, the only thing I could think of was _‘oh god this is all my fault, I could have killed him’_. I—I thought for sure that you were gonna hate me when you woke up.” Grian tries to reach out to the hybrid, but he waves off Grian’s hand.

“No… I—I don’t deserve it. After Xisuma sent me home to sleep, all I could imagine was you waking up and—and never wanting to see me again. I was _certain_ that you definitely wouldn’t want to see me while you were still healing, so when Mumbo told me that X had cleared you, and that you were going home, I… I don’t know… I panicked.” Doc’s voice is so quiet and sad, and so _resigned_ that Grian just, can’t find it within himself to hold onto his anger any longer.

“Doc. Doc look at me. _Doc_.” Grian waits until both the hybrid’s eyes are locked on his.

“I’m more upset that you effectively abandoned me, than I am about the accident. I mean really Doc. You’ve known me for how long? We’ve been dating for _over a **year**_ , and you thought that I was just gonna drop you at the first big issue? Do you really have that little faith in my love for you?” Tears well up in Grian’s eyes as he finishes, but he refuses to take his eyes off of Doc. Doc’s face is a mix of horrified and heartbroken, and tears are streaming out of his real eye.

“ _God I’m so sorry Grian, what—what was I thinking?_ ”

Grian just lets out a hollow chuckle, leans over, and pulls the now sobbing man in a hug.

“You weren’t thinking, Doc. But… I think… with some time, we’ll be alright. I still love you Doc. I really do, even though you kinda broke my heart.” Doc tightens his grip on the builder, before he leans back just enough to make eye contact.

“I love you Grian, so, _so_ much. Lying to you, leaving you, it’s—it’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. I’m so sorry. I’ll do anything to make this up to you. I love you, my little birdie, I love you, god, so much.” Grian just smiles and pulls him back into his embrace.

“We can talk about that later. For now? Just hold me. I’ve missed you.” Doc lets out another sob.

“ _God I’ve missed you too_.”

***

A few weeks later, Grian is testing the new and improved version of the machine that almost killed him. This one works perfectly.

Grian slides into a landing right at Doc’s feet, and looks up at the hybrid.

Doc’s eyes are alight with mischief, and he leans down and hoists the builder up into his arms.

“Doc! What’re you—hrmf!” Grian’s question is cut off by Doc crushing their mouths together in a searing kiss. Grian tilts his head to fit more snugly and lets out a quiet moan when Doc presses their bodies closer together.

Grian feels light-headed when Doc finally pulls away, but can’t help the slow grin that overtakes his face.

“If my elytra flying gets me that, I’m never gonna stop,” Grian says, winking up at Doc. Doc just leans down and nuzzles his head into Grian’s neck, and pressing chaste kisses to his throat. Grian tries in vain to stifle his responding moan.

“Doc… we’re in the middle of the shopping district—,” Grian gasps as Doc merely bites down on his pulse point, and Grian feels his knees start to buckle.

“Doc! Take me home, _now_ ,” Grian huffs out, another ragged moan dripping from his mouth. Doc just chuckles, the sound shooting sparks down Grian’s spine, before straightening up.

“Alright. Home it is then. Lead the way, my little birdie,” Doc places his hand on Grian’s lower back.

They don’t make it to Grian’s base, but his travelling cart is good enough.

**Author's Note:**

> WHAT'S THIS ANOTHER FIC IN LESS THAN 48 HOURS???  
> I'M ON A ROLE BABEY  
> Edit: I hope the ending flows better, and doesn't feel as rushed anymore. Thank you all for reading <3   
> Kudos, Comments, etc. are always appreciated, and they fuel me to write more.


End file.
